Hope Abounds: Show Hope Help

We've been very fortunate to be helped along in our adoption journey by Show Hope, a movement to care for orphans.  This is the one that Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife Mary Beth founded and support, as do many other faithful donors.  I had enjoyed Chapman's song "Do Everything", but I really listened to it carefully on my way to campus one day after we had confirmation that we had received a grant from Show Hope.

You can read the lyrics here. I think I *had* been picking up Cheerios that day. 

The grant is a huge help, especially since the costs are going over the tentative fees that we had been given back in 2010.  There is a federal tax refund for adoption too; we will not get that until we file our taxes in 2013, so everything has to be out of pocket until then.  For the Show Hope grant, we wrote statements of faith and shared our financial details. It was a joy to write up a description of our adoption goals back then, knowing the people reading them would be so empathetic and in tune with our hopes. They sent along a helpful book about creating healthy environments for adopted kids, and a video.  Adoption has been one of the biggest leaps of faith I've ever taken, and through Show Hope God is meeting our needs.

You can read some of the amazing stories of adoptive families and Christians working to serve orphans at the Show Hope blog site.

Here at home we had a chance to celebrate the girls' completion of Operation Overboard VBS held at the church across the street. We got home in time for their pony rides (Sapphire's first!).   

Airline Tickets

We got our first choice consulate appointment on Aug. 20th, so we could go ahead and buy the plan tickets. Sadly, in the time the confirmation for the consulate appointment to arrive, tickets to Beijing went up $1000.  We were a little flabbergasted about this.  The agency had suggested one price in their general paperwork, but the only direct tickets are double that.  The flights with layovers are not all that much better.

The today we tried to improve on what the travel agent found, and we unearthed tickets for $300 less each, so we are saving $600 from just waiting one day, and we still get a direct flight.  So, we're spending $1,900 more than expected, but we saved what we thought we'd be spending yesterday.  Phew. It almost sounds like a deal.

Our agency said there is a chance that not only will we get to visit Ruby's foster home (which we will certainly do), but we might also get to go directly from that visit to the airport with her and the nanny and fly with them to Hohhot.  Then we wouldn't have to say good bye to her, which might be confusing for her.

I realized we have something planned for nearly every day until we leave, and that does not include the packing and finalizing, but we don't want to miss any of it.  Pearl finished up her swim lessons today. She made so much progress, and I'm really proud of her! We also get to celebrate my dad's birthday with the family.

Thanks for all the prayers for patience and peace that you've made on my behalf.  They have been much needed and appreciated.

Lists

I have lists of recommended things to take. (They seem a little over kill. We do not need baby washcloths when we are going to hotels with washcloths.) I have lists of things to pick up, but it isn't long since I got nearly everything in the last weeks. I have a handy chart to show who is keeping the girls while we are gone (a big thanks to those family members!). I have lists of what I packed because, once it's in there, I'm probably going to forget about it and look again. I have a list of things to do for Vacation Bible School since that's quickly approaching too. We'll leave on the third day, but the girls will get to go at least one more day.

This may not show from my previous paragraph, but I'm feel much less scattered than I did last night when I was blundering around, trying to make a VBS bulletin and pack suitcases and email folks to handle things I won't be able to do any more at VBS since we'll be in China!

I may still be a little scattered, though, since nothing I try to write really hangs together in a paragraph. I'll have to work on that.

TA at Last!

I really needed the relaxing time in under a gorgeous sky this morning while Pearl had her first swim lesson, but on the way home at 2pm I started to wonder if Jasper would have news. He didn't but I didn't have long to wait. The call came on the cell just as I was ringing up the agency to see what could possibly be wrong. Nothing wrong now. (I'm purposely  restraining my use of exclamation points).

One of the agency's employees specializes in arranging travel, and she said we could go Aug. 1st (next week!) or Aug. 8th. We opted for the 8th. I think we could have done the 1st, but I don't know if my family would have still liked me by the end of that week. This way we also get to participate in Bible School for the first two nights, and I'm directing it, so I can get it started and answer those first night questions.

Now we're tentatively scheduling the girls' caregivers while we are gone.  Pearl got a little sad when she realized she wasn't going--she knew this, but it sunk in deeper, I guess, with all this. Now she's fine. I sold her on all the fun she'll have with family members in our absence. I called to request prescriptions for us and Ruby. Otherwise, I *think* I have most of what we'll need already squirreled away upstairs.

The date is soon, but it means I'll be home for the start of the semester and the VBS closing will cover one of Jasper's missed Sundays.  God's plans were great!

Still Waiting for TA

I was really hoping to be able to sit down and write about how we had received Travel Approval (TA) today. That's the last step before we get to plan the trip and finally know the dates we'll be away.  I've really been waiting to know those dates all summer, to tack down this floating idea of the trip and make it real. It didn't come today.

I know that people who submitted the last form on the same date we did got their TA on Friday, and I know that people AFTER us also got theirs. So where is our little piece of paper?



It's been tough waiting, thinking each phone ring was the social worker calling to tell me the package had arrived. Now I'll have to wait again tomorrow.  Maybe I'll get better at it.

Here's Ruby in the outfit we sent and with the stuffed frog we sent her. I'll bet she's chomping on a gummy worm we sent too!

My Baby Sister Book

For a long time I've been concerned about how Pearl and Sapphire will handle the transition into becoming an adoptive family.  I checked out an enormous book by a psychologist, called Brothers and Sisters in Adoption.  It had some neat suggestions, like explaining things clearly ahead of time and preparing siblings for challenging times and temper tantrums. It also suggested reading this picture book:

Sapphire already calls it "My baby sister book." It is a little out of date, but I skip over the fact the parents pack many rolls of film as they prepare to leave for the big trip. It mostly focuses on what the big sister does at home with Grandma while the parents are away. 

We've also joined an adoptive family group out of a local church, and they are about to start a monthly dinner and speaker event (with babysitting!) to counsel and encourage adoptive families. It is neat to hear the other families' stories. Being around families that look like ours will look will help all the girls. Right now, immersed in adoption information and online and local communities, it seems like everyone is adopting, but once we're in the Giant or at the bank all together, I know that it won't feel that way.

Better Information

One of the reasons the foster home's update was so great, is that now we have a much better idea of Ruby's medical history, and here are some details about her personality:


"The orphanage director asked if we would take Ruby because she was due for surgery when she turns one. So, Ruby came to stay with us in Beijing in December 2010. [when she was just 3 months old]  In March 2011 she had the lip surgery, and the palate surgery in November.  Both surgeries were successfully performed by the reputable Beijing University Hospital." 

[She's looking at pictures of us here, wearing the little outfit we mailed! See Noah's ark in the background?]

"Ruby's recovery was smooth and complete.  Now she can drink from a cup and use a spoon to eat by herself.  She can say a few words such as "jie jie" (meaning "big sister") and "ayi" (meaning "auntie").  She is very energetic and active.  She likes to play with blocks, cars and kitchen toys."  [Sapphire is eating that up--the fact that someone will be calling her jie jie!]

"She also likes to go outdoors, play with water and to play with balls.  She is curious and courageous, willing to try new things.  Being strong minded and tenacious is her tool for survival.  As with most toddlers of her age, she does not like to be restricted.  However, she loves being held and cuddled, swung around and raised up high in the air.  She loves attention from adults and enjoys playing chase and games with older children." 

Sounds like she'll fit in perfectly here!

Another Surprise Update!

We got a letter posted from Chicago yesterday. A Chinese American woman is visiting family there, and she is in charge of the home Ruby's been at since Dec 2010, in Beijing. So she's not in Inner Mongolia at all!

The letter invited me to ask questions, so of course I did. Her kind response is a big encouragement, especially since it came with photos of Ruby opening our care package we sent in June.

It said she has a little rash on her lip because of the heat, and also told us her palate has been repaired (which must be a great blessing for her early speech development)!!

The home where she is cares for just fourteen children, and it is a home full of *blessing* and *spirit*.  What a relief to know that like-minded people have been caring for her all along! And they rejoice to know she'll be coming into a home that will continue their work, the letter said.  So much to be thankful for!

I guess she's been a "treasure in Beijing" for more than 18 months, but soon she'll be a treasure in Central PA.

Names

Ruby’s orphanage assigned her a name, and Jasper was very excited when we finally saw the actual characters and got a chance to work out what it meant.  Jasper worked with Google translator and his Chinese-English, English-Chinese to figure out the meaning of Ju Er's name.

Because of his year in China, he knew to pronounce her first name, 菊儿, like this:  Jew-Are, though with the accent the first one sounds a little more like "chew" cut short. "che--". 

The meaning of the second character 儿(Er) is "child". The meaning of the first character 菊 (Ju) is probably "Chrysanthemum" or maybe "Daisy."

Her last name means "warm."
So literally her whole name would mean "Warm Chrysanthemum Child."

We’re keeping the first name they gave her as her middle name so that, if she every wants to, she can identify herself as Chinese through her name.

I dipped into Google Translate myself tonight as I create thank you cards for the nannies. I’m affixing a photo they sent of Ruby to a red card. Inside I’m placing the message Google Translate spit out for me when I typed in my sentiments.  Hopefully they’ll be able to make out the gratitude!

The Lingo

I've had to learn the acronyms of the adoptive world: PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) will turn forms containing ACR (age of child requested) regarding SN (special need) or NSN (nonspecial needs) children to organizations all over the world like the CCCWA (China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption), the AC (I can't even remember what this stands for any more, but it is something in the Ukraine), and many others.  Agencies will educate PAPs on RAD (reactive attachment disorder) and FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome), and as they draw up SN lists, they'll see other medical acronyms that may well become a part of their lives.  

PAPs will finally get a look at their child’s file on their DOR (date of referral), and then they can plan their DOT (date of travel).  Eventually PAPs turn into APs (adoptive parents), who bring their child home following “Gotcha Day,” the day when the children seen on paper finally get their first family hugs.   I'm not a big fan of the term "Gotcha Day." Too slangy for me. We'll call it Sister Day or Family Day in our house.

And that doesn't even cover the acronyms specific to Chinese adoption. There seems to be one for just about every stage of the process: DOC (dossier to China), LID (log in date), LOA (letter of approval), NVC (national visa center, a US office), TA (Travel Approval), plus SWI (social welfare institute/orphanage). 

Here's a photo of all of us and the house, required by the CCCWA. 

By the way, I got an email from the American consulate in Guangzhou China today, telling me my Article 5 had been completed (still not sure what that is, other than a 2 week wait). It seems a little strange that I'm getting messages from a consulate! Soon we'll see them in person.

Waiting

There have been so many stages of waiting in the last year and a half, starting back in February 2011.  I know that the wait is relative. We're lucky compared to the regular or Non-Special Needs program, which now has parents waiting six years to be matched with a child. But we've had our share of waiting too.

At first we decided that we wouldn't stress over the wait. We'd do things smoothly and gracefully, and let it be what it was going to be. We had little stages to take care of, like fingerprinting and collecting our birth certificates. Small goals. We wanted to enjoy the life around us, not become fixated on a future we could not control. Jasper is an expert at that. I did pretty well with it until we got the referral. And then I started praying hard. The next big step, waiting on the Letter of Approval or LOA, could take one month or it could take four months. Our agency did not give us very encouraging news--other families had recently been waiting three or four months. I admit, I specifically prayed that a stack of files would fall over and ours would end up on top.  Who knows if they are every in paper form!

But it worked, and my prayers were answered. We got that magical Letter of Approval in just one month, and then things could really move along. I'd let Jasper know when we moved to the next level. At one point a mistake I made cost us nearly a week in turning the I-800 form around. Later I didn't know we could expedite reception of a form--they'd send it via email if we just asked! And that cost us a few more days.

I poured over the charts, a silly attempt to control when we'd leave. It isn't up to me. God has a plan for our departure. Maybe He wants me to stay until our Bible School is over (I'm directing), or maybe Ruby has an important stage to achieve while still in the care of her nannies. Maybe Sapphire needs these last few weeks as the baby for a reason that will make the transition easier when it comes. I can't be in charge of that, and I'd probably just mess it up anyway.

So I've been trying to be fully engaged with Pearl and Sapphire here, and we've had plenty of distraction! Our first fishing derby, a trip to the Delaware Seashore, a Community Fun Day, a 4H camping trip, a youth retreat, library visits, lunches out, picnics with friends, and a very few lazy days at home.

But I also spend lot of time researching, packing, thinking, praying about the trip to come. The rush hasn't always brought out the best in me. When I took the girls on that 4-H trip and miscommunicated with Jasper about what to do if a form arrived, well, I didn't just grin and shrug, at least not right away.

Because she's there, and since early June she's felt very real. I think I have a greater connection with her than I did with the girls when I was pregnant with them. Her photos are so real, much cuter and chubbier than the blinking amoeba-like ultrasound images that heralded our other two.  Plus we have a lot of work to do to nurture her attachment and correct her medical issues, and I'd love to get started.

But that will be its own stage. Right now, despite the uncomfortable waiting, I need to embrace this stage. And believe me, I'm thrilled that it is happening without the bloated feet, strained stomach muscles, and  trampled bladder of a late pregnancy. Maybe this waiting isn't so bad after all!

And next will be TA, Travel Approval. It feels like the last stage before our agency plans our real trip and give us real dates. I think it is really going to happen, and maybe very soon. Maybe before the semester starts and maybe before Sapphire and Ruby have their September birthdays.  Certainly before Christmas. We'll just have to wait and see!

Packing

Our A-5 paperwork should be picked up today (or already was, since they are 12 hours ahead), and then it will/did go for Travel Approval. Once we get that, our agency will start to schedule our trip and we could leave within two weeks. I've started packing.

We'll be taking two domestic flights inside China, so we are limited to two large suitcases and carry-ons. The contents of these are spread all over my room, but Sapphire keeps finding interesting things in the piles and carrying them off.

I've decided to take clothes for Ruby, and I'm trying to limit myself in the cute little summer dresses we had packed up from last Sapphire's use last summer! The update we got a few weeks ago show she's just moved into the 18 month size.  I'll secure her clothes in gallon plastic bags to keep things tidy. We plan to pack light and wash our laundry in the hotel rooms. I don't anticipate buying all that much there, but we could always buy another piece of luggage in Guangzhou for our international flight home.

No photos of the mess, since Jasper took the camera with him and Pearl on their trip to Boston. No one really wants to see that anyway!

Some packing considerations: flat, light toys and tasty treats to win Ruby over and keep her happy on flights and day trips. Cheerios seems to be recommended, and DumDums. I've rummaged through our toy boxes to find some things rather than buy new. Sapphire is especially interested in this pile. 

It's been a while since I traveled out of the country, and technology has changed so much. I bought a 10" netbook last night on ebay, and I'm hoping it will be the easiest thing to use to keep in touch with Pearl and Sapphire while we are away. I've downloaded Skype on my bigger laptop for my parents to use while they keep the girls. I'm not sure how the internet use will be in China. Some internet sites are unavailable or spotty, like blogger, youtube, facebook, twitter, and gmail. Skype works, and people can get a VPN to somehow circumvent the Great Fire Wall.  This is all a lot to learn! If anyone reading this has suggestions, please comment.

We also want to have some ability to find things to do once we are there. In this photo you can see that Ruby is used to gallivanting around town, and we want to keep that up!

How We Got Here

I'm often asked about the process, so I'll try to give a brief summary here.

2003 Our marriage begins!
2006 Pearl arrives.
2009 Sapphire arrives.

2010
Jasper and I began discussing adoption in August of 2010. I figured I'd be ready for another pregnancy in the near future, and it was time to discuss and research options. My internet research resulted in a big spreadsheet. At first I resisted China as an option, because Jasper had lived there, and it seemed he'd have an advantage. But the other countries I feel a connection to didn't work out for various reasons: Thailand's process moves very slowly; India releases girls, but only ones with fairly serious special needs, and they are usually older than 2; S. Korea's fees are much higher and there is a stigma in this homogeneous culture against children who don't grow up in Korea; Haiti had a ridiculously long wait to bring the child home once a family was matched. A social worker suggested we consider China's Special Needs list because it moved quickly. I also learned that Jasper's interest in China would be a huge boon in teaching a child about her culture of origin. So now I began researching agencies.

2011
After a fall and winter of prayer, we sent in our application to Living Hope Adoption Agency in February of 2011 and began the home study process (lots of forms, fingerprints, and a few visits with our social worker). In December of 2011 we sent our dossier to China, which meant we could be matched with a child from the Special Needs List at any time. Those lists come out about once a month, and it took until April for our social worker to find a suitable match for us--previous lists having been fairly small due to Chinese holidays, I think.

2012
Several months pass with no word until April's list came out. Our social worker put a child's file on hold for us, and we accepted it three days later (we only had three days to get the file to our doctor and get his opinion). I thought we were done with forms, but I was so wrong. We had several stages of forms that at times overwhelmed me. I sent paperwork to the American Visa Center, to the Chinese consulate in NYC, and to our agency to be forwarded to China. We made it through, and now, in July, we're just waiting for our paperwork to shuttle between offices in China. Maybe no more paperwork now!(?) We hope to leave in mid-August.

Pearl made this fridge art for us a few weeks ago. This is the kind of paperwork I can manage!

Three in a Row or Fitting them all in

In just a few weeks we'll have a Ford Fusion, a Chevy Malibu, and three little girls.  We love the girls to bits, but we also like our fairly gas-efficient cars. This means we'll be squeezing the girls together, so I started researching skinny car seats.

They make them, but the brand known for its skinniness is $280 a seat.  I popped out the tape measure and started scouring the internet for narrow seats. In the adoption forums, folks self-identify according the age and/or adoption date of their child. Car seat fanatics list the brand and model of their equipment. This search also led me to threads like "How can people not know that car seats expire!" Well, I was one of the uninformed.

Sapphire was due for a new seat, so Mom and Dad decided to take care of birthday gifts for both of our September girls and get matching seats. I found narrow, 17" wide, $39 each Cosco Sceneras (they have model names like cars!) for the little girls, and, after much surfing, ordered an 11" Bubble Bum for Pearl. That should leave room for Pearl to buckle herself, though the Bubble Bum is tricky with its belt fasteners. If you don't know, the Bubble Bum is an inflatable booster seat. Pearl has worked it out by leaving the thing buckled and scooting herself in and out of it by pulling on the belt itself.

Jasper has decided that instead of my car and his car, we're going to have a girls car and a grown up car, so the seats will go where the girls go.

*Update: this Bubble Bum was not all that great after several weeks of use.  We ended up switching it for a slim Harmony booster from Walmart (it doesn't have a cup holder, so it fits between the two bigger carseats). The trouble with this Bubble But was that red thing you see on the side. You have to either wrangle the belt into it each time, or leave the belt buckled and wiggle into it each time. Neither is ideal.

The Adoption Community, Online

We don't have all that many adoptive families in our church or circle of friends, and as of now we know are acquainted with just a few families that have chosen international adoption.  I'm sure that will change as we get involved with the York chapter of Families with Children from China (FCC). We went to their Moon festival in the fall, but we were waiting until Ruby joined us to sign up officially.  They are a very nice bunch of families. The girls had a great time playing with kids their age, and I got to meet a darling little girl newly adopted.

So, in the absence of real people, I've learned a lot online. I've read blogs and I've skulked around China Adopt Talk, a huge forum.  After reading it for a while, I decided to jump on the chart they maintain to figure out how the paperwork is moving. The travel date is so up in the air, that figuring things out was one ridiculous way of trying to control the situation.  A forum person maintains the list, and you can compare yourself to others as they gradually move toward Travel Approval (TA).  On the link above you can see my progression if you care to do so--I'm tulip480.

So now I'm nearing TA, and then we'll leave.

The Big Question

In the car yesterday, Pearl asked me "Why are we getting Ruby?"  Pearl's been part of the discussion all along; we talked to her about getting a baby, she's been turning our sofa into an airplane and play-acting arriving in China and adopting a baby, and we had her ok the referral before we called the social worker back in April.  Adoption is going to be a part of Pearl's life from now on, so I really wanted to get this question right.

Many people have asked me this, but I think I was most pleased with my answer to Pearl. I explained that there were a lot of reasons that we were adopting, that on certain days, certain reasons seemed most important, but that it shifted around a lot. She listened as I went over how we have so much--a big house with room to spare, a yard, good doctors, more love to share--and that we wanted to share it with someone who didn't have anything. I told her that Ruby has people to care for her now, but that she didn't have any money or parents, and that if she aged out of the Chinese orphanage system at age 14, she'd be in a horrible situation. That's one of the main reasons.

She seemed ok with that, and with another reason: we have enjoyed our two little girls so much, we want to see what a third one is like.  Jasper would use that logic to fill the house with about five more kids if he could, but I'm taking it one at a time.  Finally, and on some days most importantly, we want to nurture Ruby's spirit and faith--something that almost certainly would not happen where she is now--to learn from her and to grow with her.

There are other reasons too, ones I'll explain to the girls when they are older. I think I may have started mulling over the idea of adoption from China, or maybe just adoption, after hearing this heart wrenching NPR story, but that was years before we began serious research. 

On another note, the girls love their blog names so much, they've taken to calling each other by them, though they don't seem able to keep them straight.

Since Sapphire wants a mention too, I'll just note here that today she said she wants to be a mermaid when she grows up, one with a tail, so that she doesn't need a grown up with her in the pool.  !

Care Package

According to Fed Ex's tracking info, our care package for Ruby arrived in China last Friday. I only mailed it Monday! The agency's employee there will forward it on to Ruby. The reading I've done about adoption bemoans the quick transition international adoptees have to make from one set of surroundings and caretakers to another. In domestic adoptions of toddlers, usually it starts with visits, then sleepovers, and a smoother transition.  We're hoping that seeing our photos in the album we sent, and having her nannies cheerfully explain the transition, will help her to see that they approve and decrease her stress over it.

When I first went to the shipping shop, it was going to be $130 to send the package to China! I had expected it to be $40 or so. In the end, the store owner found another package system to use, and it was only $95.

Sapphire and Pearl are holding the contents of our much-traveled package. We sent the tiny album, some gummy worms (I recall those were a hit with Sapphire at that age), a frog, a disposable camera, and an outfit that is probably too big, but she looked so chubby in the last photos!  We're hoping that the camera comes with her when we meet, and that it will record the surroundings she's known since infancy.  I taped her name in Chinese to everything, hoping that would help the busy nannies.

Unexpected Update

Last week we got an unexpected update on Ruby (her blog name, not her real name). The social worker had asked for one as soon as we froze her file in April, but I didn't think much about it. The update had some really recent photos (June 2012!), plus kind, loving descriptions of Ruby's personality from her nannies:

"Her general health condition is good. Her body coordinated well. She is a active, clever and lovely girl."

We also got new photos, including:

:

 These are great, because they show her outside and experiencing real life, not just orphanage rooms. Some children never go outside, and that first day with their parents is so scary for them. It depends on the orphanage. We think she's in a pretty good place. One of the other blogs I've read shows photos of the interior of the orphanage (we haven't received any of those ourselves). It has many colorful toys.

The update makes all this process so much more real. After a trudge through the paperwork, the real child behind it gets a little two-dimensional. But here she is in all her one-and-a-half-year-old chubbiness.  She's 24 pounds, and her BMI is 24.1, which sounds great!

**Update: we learned some months later that Ruby was being raised in Beijing in a foster home, not in the orphanage that was in charge of her. So these are photos of Beijing's environs, not Inner Mongolia.