Waiting

There have been so many stages of waiting in the last year and a half, starting back in February 2011.  I know that the wait is relative. We're lucky compared to the regular or Non-Special Needs program, which now has parents waiting six years to be matched with a child. But we've had our share of waiting too.

At first we decided that we wouldn't stress over the wait. We'd do things smoothly and gracefully, and let it be what it was going to be. We had little stages to take care of, like fingerprinting and collecting our birth certificates. Small goals. We wanted to enjoy the life around us, not become fixated on a future we could not control. Jasper is an expert at that. I did pretty well with it until we got the referral. And then I started praying hard. The next big step, waiting on the Letter of Approval or LOA, could take one month or it could take four months. Our agency did not give us very encouraging news--other families had recently been waiting three or four months. I admit, I specifically prayed that a stack of files would fall over and ours would end up on top.  Who knows if they are every in paper form!

But it worked, and my prayers were answered. We got that magical Letter of Approval in just one month, and then things could really move along. I'd let Jasper know when we moved to the next level. At one point a mistake I made cost us nearly a week in turning the I-800 form around. Later I didn't know we could expedite reception of a form--they'd send it via email if we just asked! And that cost us a few more days.

I poured over the charts, a silly attempt to control when we'd leave. It isn't up to me. God has a plan for our departure. Maybe He wants me to stay until our Bible School is over (I'm directing), or maybe Ruby has an important stage to achieve while still in the care of her nannies. Maybe Sapphire needs these last few weeks as the baby for a reason that will make the transition easier when it comes. I can't be in charge of that, and I'd probably just mess it up anyway.

So I've been trying to be fully engaged with Pearl and Sapphire here, and we've had plenty of distraction! Our first fishing derby, a trip to the Delaware Seashore, a Community Fun Day, a 4H camping trip, a youth retreat, library visits, lunches out, picnics with friends, and a very few lazy days at home.

But I also spend lot of time researching, packing, thinking, praying about the trip to come. The rush hasn't always brought out the best in me. When I took the girls on that 4-H trip and miscommunicated with Jasper about what to do if a form arrived, well, I didn't just grin and shrug, at least not right away.

Because she's there, and since early June she's felt very real. I think I have a greater connection with her than I did with the girls when I was pregnant with them. Her photos are so real, much cuter and chubbier than the blinking amoeba-like ultrasound images that heralded our other two.  Plus we have a lot of work to do to nurture her attachment and correct her medical issues, and I'd love to get started.

But that will be its own stage. Right now, despite the uncomfortable waiting, I need to embrace this stage. And believe me, I'm thrilled that it is happening without the bloated feet, strained stomach muscles, and  trampled bladder of a late pregnancy. Maybe this waiting isn't so bad after all!

And next will be TA, Travel Approval. It feels like the last stage before our agency plans our real trip and give us real dates. I think it is really going to happen, and maybe very soon. Maybe before the semester starts and maybe before Sapphire and Ruby have their September birthdays.  Certainly before Christmas. We'll just have to wait and see!