One Week Home

This blog used to chronicle journeys to neat places in China. This week we're a lot more concerned with the mundane, like getting through each day with a doable amount of sleep!

Sapphire asleep over her bedtime snack.

We're still in the adjusting period.  Nights have been much more active than I tend to like. Ruby was waking up to play for a few hours, then the grown up on duty would either get some sleep or hear the patter of Sapphire's early-rising feet.

Right now, with sleeping, Ruby likes to see someone until she falls asleep. Friends dropped off a very soothing crib toy (thanks Katie and Jake!), and that helps distract Ruby so we can move our arms out of the crib and start to edge away from it. Then I sit and read just inside the door while she drifts off to sleep.  An excuse to read! How wonderful! 

Then, when everyone is awake together, I feel like I need to be in the room to referee. The littlest two are not satisfied with sharing a lap, or with taking turns, but we all knew that was going to happen! There are periods of quiet, happy play, and then there are bouts of screaming over something that neither of the little ones really wants.

But, finally, last night we all slept and woke at 8am. Sapphire was sick in the night, but still, 8am!! Ruby slept for 13 hours, and we all feel better after sleeping that long. And it worked. Our one week home anniversary was our first calm and peaceful day. 

Here she is in her favorite spot. She'd out-eat anyone in the house, I think. I know our food is delicious and varied, and I've read that this is pretty common in kids in her situation. The three girls produce a mountain of crumbs under the table. 

The rest are up to their silly tricks. On Tuesday we celebrated the last day of my summer break with a big girls' outing to see *Brave* in the theater while Ruby napped. It was scary, but with constant whispers of "It'll be ok--the bear doesn't eat her!", we got through it.

Pearl is my hero when it comes to wedging herself into the four door Fusion between two leaning car seats without complaining.  We will at least try to stop the leaning. She's been great all around. She certainly has her daddy's portion of patience. We also enjoy some oldest sister special time in the evenings when we get a chance and the Sleeping Queens card game or *Horse and His Boy* are  calling to us.

Our first family outing was the worship service at church. Ruby stayed on my lap eating Cheerios for most of the service.  Our church family has a tradition of placing a single rose on the communion table the first Sunday after a new baby arrives, and this time I got to see my new daughter's rose along with everyone else.  Everyone was so kind and gracious to us. I'm thankful to be raising my children with you all!

Sisters

Ruby had no idea how big a day this was going to be for her. We all woke up at 5am due to jet lag. She explored the house some more. She may have realized that this place, unlike our recent hotels, is clearly lacking in the breakfast buffet department.

I took her to the orchard to stock up on fruit and try out the car seat again. For dealing with restraint when she's used to wandering around car interiors, she's doing great with the car seat. But little did she know that the tension was building. Her sisters were on their way home.

Pearl burst out of the car and ran to give her daddy a big hug. Sapphire was groggy from a nap in the car, but recovered pretty well. Ruby just stood on the hillock in our front yard watching all this, but soon the girls edged up to her.

They showed some wise restraint, when really they just wanted to hug her to pieces.

Sapphire sidled up to her little sister and made friends. 

Ruby just sort of stood there, not sure what to do, but didn't cry, which was a blessing. The girls and I walked her around the boundaries of our property, and Pearl was thrilled when her littlest sister held her hand.  

The presents awaiting them on the table were a treat, and they look forward to dressing as triplets in the very cute matching hoodies. The three hairbands were also a big hit.

We brought out the shoes that Grandmother Li, Ruby's caretaker, had made for all three of them. They are a little big for Ruby, but she stumbled around in them for a while before I could sneak them away.  She's very attached to her shoes.

Nana brought the fixings for a huge chicken dinner, and she commenced to cook.  Soon the familiar smell of chicken was filling the house, the girls were following each other around, and things felt pretty comfortably normal.

Sapphire has started a little baby-talk, which hopefully will be the extent of her regression as she sees a new baby sister on my lap.  Both big girls were very interested in the diaper change, and Pearl even helped put on the new diaper. Why this is a thrill I have no idea.

The big girls had a chance to cuddle with their parents too, and Sapphire assured me that she really did miss me. She's very eloquent for a not-quite-three year old. 

Ruby's sleep patterns are going to be a challenge for a while as she acclimates to PA time, but also as she learns to feel safe in this new place. She wakes up calling for the night nurse pretty frequently, and while sometimes I can calm her down, other times the realization that she is away from her comfort zone really upsets her.

I'll be updating this when there is news to tell, like after our big trip to the cleft palate clinic, the two September birthdays, and get-togethers with family. We look forward to seeing those of you in PA in the near future and catching up on what your last few weeks have been like.  Now we're all finally home!
 

The Newest American Citizen

The total travel time to get home was 28 hours, door to door. We are very happy to be at this particular door now!

My husband did ask our last guide, John, if he'd come along home with us to tell us what to do and prepare us for every day's events like he's done for the last week.It has been nice to have a personal adviser to make everything run smoothly. 

The prayers worked. Ruby had a sudden, surprising bout of airsickness, which I fielded pretty well, but only because my husband saw the signs a moment before it happened. That was during the landing of the first of our two flights. At our long layover in Beijing, she got to play on two different indoor playgrounds.

The second, longer flight, was much better than expected. Since she is under two, we opted to get only a lap ticket for Ruby. There weren't many extra seats on the plane, but we were able to switch with a woman and get a row of three seats, which made all the difference.

Ruby spread out to sleep, often in the oddest positions. She tends to wake crying often when she is only sleeping lightly, but then she hit the deeper sleep for several hours. We had only one tantrum on the long flight, which was a huge blessing, though we are getting used to them. We were tallying the tantrums for fun, and I think we reached seven during the whole extra-long day. They didn't get us down, and they were totally understandable since everything was new and strange to her.  One passenger said he felt like throwing a tantrum too.

Ruby became an American citizen while standing at the Passport Desk. The officer whistled while he stamped her paperwork, then he greeted her to the United States. She was pretty dopey at that point, swaying sleepily in my arms.

Being strapped into a car seat for the first time ever at age 23 months is a shock, but she got over it pretty quickly. Her exhaustion helped with that. The drive home was smooth, and we got home at 11:30pm Wednesday, fourteen and a half days after we left.

When we got home we found a wonderful surprise from our church family.  We'll wait to open the presents when the girls arrive with my parents tomorrow afternoon.  Thank you so much for your supportive gifts and all the love that comes with them!

The house also looks cleaner than when I left, so I wonder what elves gave us that present. I imagine a Nana elf was in charge.

I woke Ruby up to bring her into her new home. She's been exploring.  She's been reading. I look forward to the time when she realizes that this is not another hotel room, but her permanent home. 

Safari Park and Packing for Home

This was our one free day. The agency had nothing planned for us, so we decided to try out the Safari Park, a zoo on the outskirts of the city. We braved the subway, which was pretty nice after all. Our guide had told us sometimes during rush hour it gets so crowded that peoples' faces are smushed up against the windows. We were much luckier.

The park was pretty neat. I especially liked a monkey habitat that allowed the little monkeys to show off their swimming, diving, and cavorting abilities. You could buy and throw food into the water or into their very coordinated paws. The zoo also had a large number of pandas and 60% of all the white tigers in the world.  We even saw baby tigers in incubators and a nursery setting.

These animals were far more active compared to the snoozing animals at the Philly Zoo. But then, here employees throw meat at the tigers and lions to get them moving when guests walk by. It didn't look cruel; I decided to be ok with it since we were already there.  They also dangled chicken necks over water and tigers jumped for it, landing in the water. It was pretty amazing to see swimming tigers just on the other side of a pane of glass.





One really weird part of the zoo was the Jurassic Walk part. They had animatronic dinosaurs in pens, complete with signs that they used for all the other animals. Most of the moved, the raptor spit water, and the biggest ones roared. I found it a little hoaky, but I imagine my brother might have liked it when he was 8 or so.

Several school age children were terrified. Ruby was too little to think anything of it, though I rushed past the noisiest ones.  She did like the Jurassic mists we walked through, though.

I'm pretty sure this was the first time Ruby saw any of these animals. Given the way she jumped when she saw a house cat in a shop yesterday, animals are all pretty new to her. She took a whole park full of them in stride, though. She learned how to point. During the safari tram ride she kept pointing at the wrong side of the tram, at the plants and not the two dozen giraffes. 

And here you see a big step. Mommy's was tired and said no to picking Ruby up to see the silly monkeys, so she turned to Daddy.  He was happy to help. I think this is the first good picture of them together!

We had *lots* of great opportunities to test our parenting today. Ruby missed her nap and scheduled her meltdowns for all the public places: both subway rides, the middle of the monkey walk, the restaurant.  I found myself in the middle of a circle of spectators, holding a writhing, screaming child.  I just avoided eye contact with everyone.  When she stopped crying and I looked up, people seemed to be giving us kind looks. They usually waved goodbye to her.

We try to see these challenges as chances to show her the new boundaries in her life. I'm sure it will take a while. We also have great glimpses of her growing trust in us: I especially love to see her turn her head back to check on me while we walk hand in hand, and then a grin spreads across her face.

We've felt such support from our friends at home. I wanted to let you know some things the experts have told us about helping Ruby to transition during these early days. Our job is to teach her that we are not temporary caretakers, but her parents.  They suggest that only her parents feed and hold her for the first weeks she's home. They actually said we should do everything for her and be the ones to hand things to her for the first six months, but we'll see how that goes. I'll be home with her all the time, so I think that will pretty much be unavoidable.  We know that you all want to hug her, but since she's really got to focus on attaching to us and her grandparents, we'll have to find other ways for her to know how welcome she is.

The other girls might like some extra attention and time out with friends, especially since their transition at home might be tougher than they realize (but nothing out of the ordinary). 

A thunderstorm is echoing through the city--not something I'm used to at all.  My husband has used his amazing spatial awareness to pack all of our bags. Tomorrow we'll be leaving very early to begin our 26 hours of travel (including drive times).  I'll post in a few days to let you know how our reunion with the girls went.

Now, in the words of Pearl and Sapphire, "Adios Flamingos!!"

Consulate Appointment

We had an early Consulate appointment; we joined a roomful of about twelve American families all preparing to bring children home. We all took an oath together. I can't remember what I promised, but it was reasonable, whatever it was.  They called our name first, so we got to hand over the last papers and sign one thing, and we were done.  Ruby becomes an American citizen once we make it through the immigration desk at the airport in DC. 

The next stop was Shamian Island, a small island in the Pearl River. The government conceded the island foreign forces in the 1920s, and Chinese nationals were forbidden from entering. The buildings have a colonial feel, and it is peaceful and pleasant on the island. Brides come here for formal photos. Recently the island has been the epicenter of US families traveling to China to adopt. The main hotel there for adopting families has been closed so the tiny rooms can be enlarged, which is why we are at the Garden.

While we played on the playground, we saw some more aerobic retirees doing their morning group exercises.  Women were line dancing, men were playing on high bars, and I saw an older lady playing on a set of monkey bars. It seems like a healthy, social thing to do. One set of sixty-somethings were playing hacky-sack with amazing skill. Men retire here at 60 and women at 55, so they have plenty of time to practice.

We also saw a sign for a forced pregnancy test for women living in the district of Shamian Island. They are required to show up and take the test. Our guide was not sure what would happen to them if they were found to be pregnant without a license.

We did a little shopping, and we were most pleased with one like-minded shop that had reasonable, marked prices and contributes some profits to needy children in China. They gave Ruby an extra present, a magnet of her home province.

As for our parenting progress: we convinced Ruby to sit in the stroller so my back could have a break. She is learning that we are fun but inflexible. She's also warming up to her daddy.  She plays wildly with him in the room, and she takes food from him happily. She even held his hand today (after thinking about it briefly). This afternoon she took a nap with him. It wasn't very snugly, but she did let her foot rest on top of him for a while. He needs lots of encouragement. He told me he looks forward to returning to a world where children like him.  I think she already does.

We also heard that the Chinese-Japanese tensions are worse in other cities. We don't see any protests here today, though the protestors did pull down the Japanese flag on our hotel's flag pole (this is because now some Japanese nationalists have landed on that deserted island both countries claim). Elsewhere protestors attacked all the Japanese-made cars they saw.  This island they are fighting over is about 7 blocks by 4 blocks large, and uninhabited.  Our guide is hoping we leave for home before the US government makes any statements about the situation. 

Today is Monday, and we leave the hotel early on Wednesday to begin a long, full day of travel.  We'll see you soon!

Historical Sites of Guangzhou

I love breakfast here! It is so nice to have someone else make all your food every day. This morning I asked to be seated so we could have a view of the lovely garden and koi pond while we ate.

I'm not sure if they feed the koi anything beyond the donuts, bread, and muffins the guests pitch into the water to see the resulting frenzy.  The fish made Ruby giggle!

Later while we strolled around the garden, we heard chanting. It was a small, illegal protest targeting the Japanese consulate which is housed in our hotel's building.  Fourteen Chinese nationals had made their way to a disputed island, and Japan had arrested them. China demanded their immediate release, but it wasn't clear what would happen. Both nations think the island is theirs. Tensions are high, and we were told not to wander outside during the protest.

When we finally saw it from above, in our room, we saw about fifty protestors surrounded by fifty police and about twenty photographers. So it wasn't that big.  The military was running through the hotel lobby, much to the distress of the sedate and proper staff.  This was not a registered protest, but since it was a pro-China, anti-Japan rally, the police were tolerating it and just trying to keep them out of the hotel, which they did.

We left all the hoopla behind and went to see the Six Banyan Temple, an operational Buddhist temple in the city. There was a pretty, tall pagoda. They had several temples with Buddhas of different sizes inside. At one temple, adoptive families had brought their children to be blessed by the monks.  I didn't care to stay to watch, and I took Ruby out of that building, but Jasper said the monk chanted over them and used a tea leaf to sprinkle water over the families.

Ruby refuses to use the very nice stroller the hotel loaned us. She is used to them from her foster center, but she prefers to be carried. By me. You might find me a half inch shorter when I get back to PA.  Carrying a 24 pound child around seems to be compressing my back. It does give us a lot of bond-building contact, though. She also likes to hold my hand tightly if she is walking, which is a great feature in busy places.

Next we went to the Chen Family Museum. This used to be a center shared by an entire village, but the city has swallowed it up. When it was built, it offered space for ancestor worship (sort of like that scene in Mulan, only with hundreds of ancestor tablets), a place to host visitors, and a school where locals could be trained to serve the emperor.  You can see two tiny ancestor tablets on the narrow steps that used to hold all the villagers' "ancestors."

It was partly destroyed during the Cultural Revolution when religious, cultural, and historical artifacts were destroyed.  Now it is owned by the government and used to display local folk arts.

Here we are holding a picture of Traveling Tara from the Clubhouse Jr. Magazine that Pearl colored.  You're supposed to take pictures of her on your travels.  Ruby may look uncomfortable, but she was fine.

We came back to the hotel to cool off and rest, and later we made our way to a nearby TrustMart, a sort of everything store. Jasper stocked up on more peanut milk than I think he can drink in the next 2.25 days before we leave. That's something else he missed from his stay ten years ago.

Medical Exam

We saw a little more of our new hotel, the Garden. It has a lovely garden and koi pond outside the breakfast area. It also has peanut butter for breakfast, which made me happy.  Our hotel also has 1,900 staff running it. This includes two people to stand by the front door and welcome us in each time, and someone to push the elevator button when we wish to get on.  This is a disappointment to Ruby, who loves that task best of all.

We've seen a lot of over-staffing here in China. Today I saw someone sweeping up the few leaves that had fallen from trees onto the sidewalk. Restaurants seem to have more waitstaff than you ever see in the States. Labor is cheap, but we heard today that some of the factories in Guangzhou have relocated to the cheaper labor market of Vietnam.  Nothing is cheap in China anymore, we were told

The medical exam went very well.  We speeded through it--two photos, a brief body exam, a height and weight check, and an ear, nose and throat exam.  I was sure Ruby was going to be writhing on the floor at some point, but she didn't.  All the kids have to have this check before they get their visas.  The US consulate contracts the clinic to do the checks.

These guys had speed. You don't need much of a bedside manner if you can check everything in 60 seconds.  

We went through it so quickly we had time to stroll through the open square of Guangzhou and see all of the buildings that have been built over the last six years. When Jasper was here last 10 years ago, this land was farmland. Now the farmers have been given new apartments in return for their land, and these apartments go for nearly $1 million US.  The old fields are now giving a crop of highrise buildings, including some of the highest towers and radio towers in the world.  The buildings are impressive. One had a wind tunnel that powers the whole building's electrical needs.

Behind the segue-riding policewomen you see the Canton Tower, a radio and observation tower; it was briefly the tallest tower in the world from 2009 until 2011.  You could take a 20 minute tram ride around the top, if you wanted to. I don't.  We came back to the hotel and worked on some paperwork. John tells us the paperwork is now over, that he takes it over from here.  I don't really believe him--it is too good to be true.

I took a walk to explore our tiny corner of this huge city, the third largest in China. Jasper took a nap, and so did Ruby. She's really doing much better with him.  He can get her to laugh and play, and she knows he is the master of the cookies.  I'm hoping we work our way up to him holding her or at least being able to sit near her without me before that 12 hour flight. She even lets him pick her up briefly if she knows it will benefit her (like she'll get to push an elevator button).

This evening we got to go out to eat with a very pleasant family from Washington, the same family that had been in Hohhot with us. Jasper did a great job ordering a variety of foods, including, if you notice in the center, a plate of whole, fried fish with the heads on. We didn't eat the heads. He also got that special dish he likes so well--the one from the north eastern area of China that we couldn't find at all in Hohhot.  It's the half gone orange-y dish on the left. Ruby ate a ton, as usual. She really liked the sweetened sesame seed bread. She also liked taking the crayons out of the box repeatedly and watching me pick them up as they fell. 


Sending a big hug to Pearl and Sapphire, who are doing such a good job entertaining their grownups in Pennsylvania!! 

Guangzhou

I've got a new perspective on how the standard adoption trip works. It is like a parenting sprint. You get about 5 days to parent the child enough to get ready for a flight, which is just a big of prep for the long, challenging flight back to the States. I'm hoping for a bronze.

We're in the third and final leg of this trip. The flight was at 1:05pm, so we had plenty of time for a late, leisurely breakfast and packing up the room.  Ruby slept through airport security, but she woke up as we boarded the shuttle to the plane. Thing didn't go all that smoothly, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. She screamed on the shuttle and then during the descent, both times out of frustration. Since Ruby is under two, she doesn't need her own seat but sits on our laps. That is, she sits on our laps if she isn't mad that we said no about something. Then she hangs out around my feet. But that worked out ok. She didn't mind the change in air pressure at all.  I think the long flight might be ok because we will have all those Disney movies to entertain her.

We're in Guangzhou now, because that is where the US consulate is. This city used to be called Canton back when the Europeans first accessed China through the south and they learned Cantonese rather than Mandarin.  The Garden Hotel is the nicest place we've stayed yet. The lobby is enormous, and we have a suite. They had a Combi stroller for us to borrow, and a basket of baby presents for Ruby, including a panda toy. We see the occasional adopting family here, since all the US families have to come through this city, and many stay at this hotel.

John is our guide here, and he seems very knowledgeable. He took us for a walk in the hotel's neighborhood and showed us some restaurant options. We ended up going to a local place that serves Cantonese food. The main dishes we were told to try in this part of China are dim sum (steamed buns filled with pork bbq that they eat especially for breakfast), fried rice, and wonton soup. I loved the orange drink you see there--it has large pearl tapioca at the bottom and mango puree on top. I might have one every night.

Guangzhou feels a little like New York City.  Hohhot had poorly planned sidewalks, half of which were useless for walking because they were either partly torn up, being put in, or covered in parked cars. Here the sidewalks are very reasonable and useful, and the shops are more of the NYC variety.

Ruby seems to really like "Old MacDonald had a Farm." We brought a book with pictures, and she's trying to get the "e-i-e-i-o" right, but she doesn't have it down yet. She let Jasper hold her today to see a truck full of pigs pass our van. He thinks he's making progress.

I think things will go just fine while we are here in Guangzhou. If you are a pray-er, I'd appreciate some help praying for wisdom for us as we thoughtfully work through parenting Ruby and her upcoming relationship with her sisters.  This won't be anything unusual for adopted children and their siblings, I'd just like this to go as smoothly as possible. 

Passport in Hand

My husband and I take our marriage vows very seriously, and yesterday we added a new one for the first time since we were married eight years ago: never trick your spouse into eating the meat of a strange animal without first getting her permission. We ordered a huge hot stone bowl of soup with boiled turnips, lasagna size rice noodles, and very tender beef, or so I thought. Later it came out that it was donkey meat, and he had known it all along. I was ok with this particular animal, but we saw the need for a new rule nonetheless. Ruby ate it happily too. I imagine the Neffs' donkey would have been much tougher. Here's she's eating a sugar-crusted sweet potato.

Ruby and her daddy had a breakthrough in their relationship last night too. I got her to sit in the bathtub--it seems she had always showered over a tub while standing, so she didn't want to sit. Well, she soon saw how much fun it was to splash and play with soap in the tub. Jasper took over as lifeguard and only pulled her out when she unfortunately tried to use the bar of soap to wipe water out of her eye.  She let him put her jammies on, and then they played and romped and tickled for half an hour. This morning she was shy of him again, but maybe not as much as yesterday morning.  I'm sure the prayers are helping!

Today we visited the Hohhot police station briefly to pick up Ruby's passport. Her little passport photo is so cute! Then we went to the enormous, new Hohhot museum of Inner Mongolian culture. It contained rooms focusing on the prehistory of the land, dress, weapons, animals, and mineral extraction.  I liked seeing the life-sized dioramas of Mongolian life from long ago. They also had a whole room dedicated to Ghengis Khan (they pronounce it "Chengis Can"). He is their big hero, and they have many traditional stories about him. Ruby saw some of it, but she also slept in the baby sling that draws a lot of stares when we walk around with it!

Ruby doesn't look Mongolian to anyone here, so she is probably Han. She doesn't come from the provincial capital of Hohhot, but from a farming region several hours west of here where they grow sunflowers and melons.

I'm hanging out in the room while Jasper sees the last of Hohhot's sights this afternoon and Ruby naps.  We saw most of the interesting buildings our first day here, but there was a pagoda we missed then. Having a nearly 2 year old does change things, and I'm reminded of the parenting skills that have grown rusty in our house: daily naptime scheduling, temper tantrum management, and the ability to redirect and distract. Ruby does not like to hear "no", even when it is said gently and for a very good, that-lamp-might-fall-on-you kind of  reason. At least we know she understands us! I'll ask for prayer now that the infrequent meltdowns come at manageable moments during the rest of the trip and that she soon learns to handle "no" better.

Ruby has a happy shoulder jiggle. We noticed her doing it when she tastes something new that she really likes. She'll sit there and bob her shoulders up and down, smiling as she chews.  It doesn't happen all that often, and we feel like we've hit the jackpot whenever she starts doing it.

Ruby loves seeing photos of herself and her sisters (so do I). Soon they will be in photos together.
 

Grasslands of Inner Mongolia

After breakfast we left for our grassland tour. We drove through the mountains and up to the flat grasslands plateau north of Hohhot. Brenda explained that it was pretty much impossible to see authentic Mongolian pastoral culture because real herders move around and they are so deep in the grasslands that they are inaccessible to folks just making a day trip. So instead we made for a type of cultural reservation where people present Mongolian life in a permanent, bus-trip friendly way. We had our own car and guide, though.

The Mongolians of Inner Mongolia seem to parallel the Native Americans' lot, at least from their own point of view. They led an animistic, nature-loving nomadic lifestyle until the Han, the dominant Chinese ethnic group, began moving into the area of Inner Mongolia in the early 1900s. These Han brought knowledge of farming that the Mongols did not have, but they also brought a greed for the land, and quickly burnt out the land with overgrazing. Now former yurt-living nomads are paid by the government NOT to herd sheep, since large herds contributed to desertification of the grasslands.  So they get to live on their land, but they can't use it like they used to. I'm not sure what the Han story of this economic/environmental conflict is.

We enjoyed  a light meal on the raised bed of one permanent Mongol dwelling, sort of a restaurant. The bed is like a three foot high counter covered in oriental rugs, and it is hollow so that they can make a coal fire beneath it during the brutal Mongolian winters that pretty much trap folks indoors for months. They gave us salty milk tea in little bowls (which we sort of liked if we added lots of sugar, but only once it cooled off a bit and you got down to the bottom where all the sugar was). We tried the raw millet in our tea too--the vegetable-less Mongols' one source of easy fiber. I even put the rock-hard cheese in the tea to soften. It was like an extremely hard cheddar after 30 minutes of soaking. Ruby loved the shortbread-esqe biscuits and gobbled them up one after the other. She slurped up the salt tea too. The girls eats anything. Maybe I'll give her a chicken foot tomorrow at breakfast!

We walked around their compound afterward. They had some permanent yurts on concrete slabs for their customers to enjoy tea in, but none was the mobile, teepee-like yurt that herders traditionally use. Some chickens pecked a the dirt, and we saw a sheepfold with the owner's twenty sheep. Then the butcher arrived, threw a live sheep out of his pickup truck's bed, and began slaughtering it right in front of us (and the other sheep!). He was just making a delivery and we happened to be there to see it.   I wasn't ready for this level of authenticity! I walked Ruby away. Jasper watched as the butcher pulled out the heart of the sheep first, then finished it off. I could appreciate the precision of his butchering, once it was dead. The man barely bloodied his hands during the whole process, which was fortunate, since he answered his cell phone in the middle of the job!

We drove past a sunflower field stretching to the horizon. The sunflower butter I put on my toast every morning may have come from that field. Beekeepers with dozens of hives dotted the roadside too.

Ruby handled the long car ride very well, though she did get antsy. No car seat to hold her in, mind. She got very still and nervous when, after an especially painful bump into my stomach, I suggested Daddy hold her. This seems like an ironic threat, and we wonder if we will ever use it to calm her down--"sit down or Daddy will hold you!"  She did make some progress with Jasper after he fed her lunch bite by bite while I held her. She doesn't mind touching him a little bit to play, but she has to warm up to get even to that stage. We think it might take seeing how much fun her big sisters have with their daddy before she'll really attach to him. His patience is amazing (but I was well aware of that long before this).


Some advice we've received about raising a child born in China: don't hire a Taiwanese tutor, because she will teach the child to resent her birth-country; don't feed female children (or grown up women) ice-cream or anything cold, because it accentuates menstrual cramps; don't feed children in an outdoors breeze, even if it is a balmy, gorgeous, 75 degree day. I'm just passing that on.

And here's a medical question: Ruby briefly broke out in hives just around her mouth after our trip. The inquisitive lady selling chicken on a stick told us it was because of the heat and humidity (once again, balmy, 75 degrees, and no humidity here to my senses). I think it might have been the thick, strawberry-yogurt drink she chugged down in the car and got all over her face.  Would that be possible? a mild strawberry skin allergy? The rash is gone already.

I'd just like to add a brief mention of thanks to our family and friends who are so supportive. I feel blessed and loved even though we are so far away from home.

Getting to Know Each Other

After all the excitement of yesterday, I guess we needed some down time.  We had a nice breakfast, and Ruby ate a good bit, occasionally offering to share with me. As usual they offered chicken feet, noodles, rice, dim sum, rotisserie lamb, and salty milk tea for breakfast along with the normal Western fare. I'm a little less adventurous at breakfast now; I just want comfort foods.

At 9am we went to the hotel meeting room for some official paperwork.  Two other families were there, one from Michigan and one from Washington. I held Ruby on my lap and played playdough while Jasper handled the paperwork. I teased him that it was his turn now, after I completed all the other forms over the last 18 months. After we signed each paper, we had to stamp our thumbprint in red ink over it. It took about 90 minutes.

So far these pictures show her on my lap, because she spends a lot of time there. She hasn't warmed up to Jasper as much, or at all, really. He's handling it well, but I know he'd like to start making friends with her too.  Right now she sort of edges away from him if she has a choice, and he won't force it.  Ruby and I are great friends though. She looks up at me with her big eyes as we walk along holding hands as if she wants to see if everything is alright.

She fell asleep on me when we returned from a walk throughout the hotel (it was raining outside most of the day here), and she slept for three hours in her crib. It felt a little odd to have come all the way to China to sit in a hotel room for most of the afternoon while she slept.  We have HBO and several English sport channels (of no help to us!), but the English movies are usually horrible.  We lucked out when A Few Good Men came on, and then I took a nap.

We tried the pool, and I think I taught Ruby the word 'water.' We had to wear the swim caps. She likes to splash!

We went out to dinner then and she ate so much I was a little concerned she'd pop. She ate dumplings and rice and mushrooms and beef and fried chicken (just like nuggets, only in stick shape), but she really loved the broiled lamb T-bone. Lamb is a big dish here. Tomorrow we might see some sheep as we take our grassland tour.

We tricked Ruby a bit by turning on the tv to distract her, then I shimmied her up to Jasper who popped a bottle of warm water (that's what they give babies here) into her mouth. Experts suggest encouraging some regression, like giving bottles, to help the adopted child experience some more baby-like stages with her new parents.  She sucked at it for a while before she realized how close she was to him and turned away, but she fell asleep like that, so I guess it is progress.  It's the closest he's been to her yet. Prayer for her to see what a wonderful daddy she has would be a big help.

Now a note on Chinese pastries. I am always shocked to see Chinese buffets in the States fill a whole table with those tasteless pastries that only novices try.  They are horrible. They make me want to write to the Chinese Buffet Confederation and beg them to save money and food waste by cutting them from the menu. I have long wondered if the pastries are the Chinese restauranteurs' attempt at pleasing the American palate, or if they are a replica of real Chinese food. Well, now I've seen those same cream puff style desserts in bakeries here, so I know the answer. We try to sample bakery offerings whenever we can. I always hope to find red bean paste filled things, but it is always a gamble since we have no idea what we are buying. There have been some disappointments, but others are tasty.  These three had coconut, sesame, and date fillings. A total strike out. 

And an update on Pearl and Sapphire, who we talk to via Skype nearly every day. They are well. Sapphire is too busy to talk to us other than to shout "hi" and "by-I-love-you" as we sign off.  Pearl is more constant, but I think it is partly because she likes seeing herself make faces on the screen. They are having a fun-filled day with their aunt and uncle today. They won't want to come home!

Family Day!

 She's here!

We had an even longer wait than we thought. We headed down at 3pm, but the caravan bringing Ruby was late, so our facilitator tried to fill our wait with a cultural lesson about Inner Mongolia, which was sweet.  We sat in a little alcove in the huge, chandeliered lobby, turning to watch the door. The plan was that Brenda the facilitator would film Ruby's entrance, but she got up when she thought she caught a glimpse of them, so I ran and drug a bellboy over, handing him our camera.

Ruby came in on her own two feet, clutching the frog we had sent and wearing our outfit.  Esther encouraged her to hand us the frog, and she did it hesitantly while we knelt in the middle of that grand lobby.  She wasn't sure of us at all, and she kept looking to Esther, who had brought her all the way from Beijing, for reassurance. Then our big party moved into the lobby alcove and the other grown ups whipped out the paperwork while we tried to make friends.

This was all rushed by the photographer who placed a red sheet behind us and instructed us to pick her up. Ruby was not ok with this transition, and we wish the whole thing could have gone slower, but, as it turns out, when she sat on the chair arms between us, she had a great view of a tv screen, and she fell into a tv-watching trance.

We had to sign many copies of papers and ink our thumbprint over our signatures.  Ruby scooted as close to the wall as she could get.  The Bayannur orphanage director handed me some gifts for Ruby--the outfit she was found in, a 8x10 leather-worked portrait of Ghengis Khan, and a photo album. Then they wanted photos with the orphanage staff, and they wanted me to hold her.  Throwing a toddler at a stranger is bound to end in a struggle and an unhappy, child laying limply on the ground!

I hated to see Esther go, but she knew she had to get out of view.  They told me to just pick her up and carry her off.  This seemed almost cruel, but I didn't want the director to think I was a weak mother, so I did it. Dozens of strangers were in that lobby too, and they all heard the screams, but I didn't care what they thought at all.  As I carried Ruby through the lobby she all out screamed. I told her I had carried shrieking children before, and we made it to the elevator. 

There she paused for breath when she saw her reflection in the elevator wall, and I suddenly thought to sing "Jesus Loves Me," since they had told us at her foster home that she knew that in English and Mandarin.  It was a lifesaver.  She did not resume the cry, but let me carry her. I did not have my room keycard, and Jasper was still below collecting our piles of things and getting last minute instructions. Fortunately, I found a housekeeper who took pity on me and let me right into my room with no other ID than an on-the-edge child in my arms.  She said something very kind, I think, as she closed the door on us, and we were alone.

I grabbed some books, still singing the eighth repetition of "Jesus Loves Me", and sat on the bed. I began to read *Old MacDonald Had Some Pigs,* and she looked at the pictures. I reread it and *Everyone Poops* (which I thought any toddler would love!) until she fell asleep.

I held her asleep for over an hour, then she slowly awoke but pretty much stayed comatose for two more hours. I didn't want to rush her, and at least we were both comfortable.  Jasper went out to find her some comfort food: ramen noodles, which she ate like a little bird as I offered it to her. We had bought a little tin cup just like her foster home used, and she clutched to this for 45 minutes, glancing up at me every now and then.

The first word she said came out when she saw Pearl waving over Skype. She said jie-jie, which is big sister, so she must have recognized her from the album.  After another hour I got her up and decided she needed to try the potty.  While I held her there, I got a smile, and then a laugh. What a relief!!  We played high five and she giggled. Next we gave her a little bath, and then the real fun started.  She laughed and giggled and kicked while I tickled her on the bed and put on her jammies.  I slowly moved away, and now Jasper is feeding her Cherrios one at a time, making her smile all the while.

I'm exhausted, but I'm so relieved that she's starting to warm up. Let's pray it continues!!