Williamsburg Girls' Get-away Part I

The Palace

The girls and I embarked on a great adventure this week--a Williamsburg, Virginia girls getaway! It was partly to give Daddy a chance to finish a chapter of his dissertation, and partly an opportunity to embrace the schedule flexibility of home schooling.

The four hour drive was greatly enhanced by mom's Kindle and the movie Happyfeet.  Then, after a fairly hyper meal at IHOP, we jumped into the hotel pool.  This was Ruby's first swim with us since she sat, frozen, on the pool seat at the Inner Mongolia hotel.  This time she was absolutely giddy as she floated in her swimmies, eventually laughing pretty crazily when she first pushed herself off the step after me.  She looked like an astronaut unable to propel herself in space, but by the end of the stay she could kick a little.  Since I was the only lifeguard on duty, you'll understand why there are no photos of this cute milestone.

The basket maker

Monday we went to Colonial Williamsburg. We hadn't slept all that well, or at least the girls hadn't gotten all the sleep they needed, so Sapphire was especially tired and jealous of any stroller time Ruby got.  But we jumped into the history regardless.  We did have some great interpreters who latched on to our mention of the Felicity American Girls books we've read and happily pointed out items from her stories (the stories are set in Williamsburg in 1774). 

The ballroom at the Palace (Governor's mansion)

The Palace ballroom was a highlight, since we had just read a scene about it in the Felicity books.  The big girls admired the silversmith's precious metals and his friendly personality.  Pearl also seemed entranced by the blacksmith, while Ruby preferred to cheer on the horses any time they drove by.

with our friend from the Magazine

I enjoyed the colonial city in February. At 55 degrees, it wasn't freezing, and we had the place to ourselves. The gatekeeper at the Magazine said that usually hundreds of people go through his building in an hour, and today only 10-20 were entering each hour.  When we got to the top, an enthusiastic young man obviously used to speaking loudly for crowds gave us our own demonstration of the musket-loading process.  We had planned what buildings we wanted to see, and when we finally stumbled out of the gaol, our list was complete.  We boarded the bus and Pearl talked the ears off of some other visitors.

One thing I enjoyed, but the girls did not, was the coffeehouse experience. I've read about them in 18th century culture, but I got to see a place for newspaper-readers who enjoyed a nice cup of chocolate.  At the end they offered us a play which I could not follow because I was trying to keep the girls' from spilling their breakable cups of chocolate.  The thick, slightly bitter drink differs from our hot chocolate of today. I liked the flavor, but none of them did.

learned a new word: apothecary

We attract more stares here as an adoptive family than we do at home.  One man on a Chinese tour distracted his entire tour from the guide's speech about the gallows when he reported to the group that Ruby was from Ney Mongu (Inner Mongolia).  "Oh, Ney Mongu" they all chorused.   He had approached me to ask if she was from China. Then he asked "Why did you want to adopt a child?"  He seemed surprised, but then adoption is largely limited in China due to the one child policy.  I explained that we love children.  I was about to leap into an explanation of God's love when my lovable children started fighting in one of the gaol cells. Other folks asked less difficult questions, and I was proud of how I handled it.  It doesn't bother me the way I assumed it would.

at the milliner's shop

The day ended with a pleasantly perfect Chinese buffet that kept the girls glued to their seats. Then we headed to the pool, as promised, where I realized that all the walking had exhausted my legs.  That's not the only thing it exhausted!  Once we returned to the room, I told Sapphire to lay still in her "beautiful" bed, as she calls it, and pretend to be a princess. It worked! She fell asleep while Pearl journaled and Ruby rutched. 

A Tiny Disappointment

I received an email from Ruby's foster care center that she will be leaving for Inner Mongolia to begin her part in the paperwork (she has to have a passport photo taken!) on the same day we fly to Beijing. This means we won't get to see her in the home she's known for 20 months of her life. This is disappointing. I had hoped that we would get a chance to meet her in surroundings she felt comfortable with, so that when we met her again in Hohhot, it would be less of a shock to her.

Not only that, but the idea of her going through 5 days of transition even before the big transition to come with us is distressing.  She'll be leaving her only home to go to an orphanage, and after several days there she'll be handed over to us.  One bright spot is that a nanny from Beijing who she knows will stay with her the whole time in the orphanage until we meet her.  The woman in charge of her home assured us that they won't leave her alone with strangers. That is a big relief, at least.

This is a tiny corner taken from a photo of a little girl who spent most of her 3 years in the Social Welfare Institute that Ruby will be at for those five days. I've cropped out the other little girl (who is going through her own massive battle for health with a new, loving family who writes about her here) to focus on the cribs and the suggestion of a bright mural.  I wonder if Ruby will be in this room or will stay somewhere with her nanny. 

We will still go to her foster center in Beijing to meet Grandma Li, her caretaker.  We will be sure to take lots of photos.

We're back home after a few days away (a visit to the Renaissance Faire and our parents' homes), and we're looking at the final stretch before we leave. Jasper will have some busy errands on Monday, and I want to bond with my luggage and make sure they are all at their best. I'd also like to finish painting the porch so that Ruby has a pretty house to come home to in a few weeks!

Piles of Paper

I would just like to say that, I've gotten my PhD, and I don't think that accomplishment was any harder than obtaining and organizing the paperwork involved in adoption. Neither was easy! Tonight I'm sorting the forms we have to take to China. It feels like I am in the last stages of dissertation preparation.

There should be a degree conferred on adoptive parents who successfully navigate this jungle.

6 Days to Go

We have six days to finish getting ready. Today we learned that the water in our basement was not from a hard rain a few days ago--it was the leaking hot water heater. Thank goodness we discovered this before we left. A plumber should be here Monday.

Pearl and I have nearly finished painting the front porch. We've been trying to pretty up those front steps and porch all summer. I'd like it to be at its prettiest when Ruby gets here, not that she'll care all that much about appearances. I let Pearl choose between two blues, and wow, did she ever pick a blue! It's even brighter than when we were in the store, but it is pretty.  Sort of cobalt blue.

Now I need to go see what sort of copies I need to make of our dossier.

Hope Abounds: Show Hope Help

We've been very fortunate to be helped along in our adoption journey by Show Hope, a movement to care for orphans.  This is the one that Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife Mary Beth founded and support, as do many other faithful donors.  I had enjoyed Chapman's song "Do Everything", but I really listened to it carefully on my way to campus one day after we had confirmation that we had received a grant from Show Hope.

You can read the lyrics here. I think I *had* been picking up Cheerios that day. 

The grant is a huge help, especially since the costs are going over the tentative fees that we had been given back in 2010.  There is a federal tax refund for adoption too; we will not get that until we file our taxes in 2013, so everything has to be out of pocket until then.  For the Show Hope grant, we wrote statements of faith and shared our financial details. It was a joy to write up a description of our adoption goals back then, knowing the people reading them would be so empathetic and in tune with our hopes. They sent along a helpful book about creating healthy environments for adopted kids, and a video.  Adoption has been one of the biggest leaps of faith I've ever taken, and through Show Hope God is meeting our needs.

You can read some of the amazing stories of adoptive families and Christians working to serve orphans at the Show Hope blog site.

Here at home we had a chance to celebrate the girls' completion of Operation Overboard VBS held at the church across the street. We got home in time for their pony rides (Sapphire's first!).   

Airline Tickets

We got our first choice consulate appointment on Aug. 20th, so we could go ahead and buy the plan tickets. Sadly, in the time the confirmation for the consulate appointment to arrive, tickets to Beijing went up $1000.  We were a little flabbergasted about this.  The agency had suggested one price in their general paperwork, but the only direct tickets are double that.  The flights with layovers are not all that much better.

The today we tried to improve on what the travel agent found, and we unearthed tickets for $300 less each, so we are saving $600 from just waiting one day, and we still get a direct flight.  So, we're spending $1,900 more than expected, but we saved what we thought we'd be spending yesterday.  Phew. It almost sounds like a deal.

Our agency said there is a chance that not only will we get to visit Ruby's foster home (which we will certainly do), but we might also get to go directly from that visit to the airport with her and the nanny and fly with them to Hohhot.  Then we wouldn't have to say good bye to her, which might be confusing for her.

I realized we have something planned for nearly every day until we leave, and that does not include the packing and finalizing, but we don't want to miss any of it.  Pearl finished up her swim lessons today. She made so much progress, and I'm really proud of her! We also get to celebrate my dad's birthday with the family.

Thanks for all the prayers for patience and peace that you've made on my behalf.  They have been much needed and appreciated.

My Baby Sister Book

For a long time I've been concerned about how Pearl and Sapphire will handle the transition into becoming an adoptive family.  I checked out an enormous book by a psychologist, called Brothers and Sisters in Adoption.  It had some neat suggestions, like explaining things clearly ahead of time and preparing siblings for challenging times and temper tantrums. It also suggested reading this picture book:

Sapphire already calls it "My baby sister book." It is a little out of date, but I skip over the fact the parents pack many rolls of film as they prepare to leave for the big trip. It mostly focuses on what the big sister does at home with Grandma while the parents are away. 

We've also joined an adoptive family group out of a local church, and they are about to start a monthly dinner and speaker event (with babysitting!) to counsel and encourage adoptive families. It is neat to hear the other families' stories. Being around families that look like ours will look will help all the girls. Right now, immersed in adoption information and online and local communities, it seems like everyone is adopting, but once we're in the Giant or at the bank all together, I know that it won't feel that way.

Another Surprise Update!

We got a letter posted from Chicago yesterday. A Chinese American woman is visiting family there, and she is in charge of the home Ruby's been at since Dec 2010, in Beijing. So she's not in Inner Mongolia at all!

The letter invited me to ask questions, so of course I did. Her kind response is a big encouragement, especially since it came with photos of Ruby opening our care package we sent in June.

It said she has a little rash on her lip because of the heat, and also told us her palate has been repaired (which must be a great blessing for her early speech development)!!

The home where she is cares for just fourteen children, and it is a home full of *blessing* and *spirit*.  What a relief to know that like-minded people have been caring for her all along! And they rejoice to know she'll be coming into a home that will continue their work, the letter said.  So much to be thankful for!

I guess she's been a "treasure in Beijing" for more than 18 months, but soon she'll be a treasure in Central PA.

How We Got Here

I'm often asked about the process, so I'll try to give a brief summary here.

2003 Our marriage begins!
2006 Pearl arrives.
2009 Sapphire arrives.

2010
Jasper and I began discussing adoption in August of 2010. I figured I'd be ready for another pregnancy in the near future, and it was time to discuss and research options. My internet research resulted in a big spreadsheet. At first I resisted China as an option, because Jasper had lived there, and it seemed he'd have an advantage. But the other countries I feel a connection to didn't work out for various reasons: Thailand's process moves very slowly; India releases girls, but only ones with fairly serious special needs, and they are usually older than 2; S. Korea's fees are much higher and there is a stigma in this homogeneous culture against children who don't grow up in Korea; Haiti had a ridiculously long wait to bring the child home once a family was matched. A social worker suggested we consider China's Special Needs list because it moved quickly. I also learned that Jasper's interest in China would be a huge boon in teaching a child about her culture of origin. So now I began researching agencies.

2011
After a fall and winter of prayer, we sent in our application to Living Hope Adoption Agency in February of 2011 and began the home study process (lots of forms, fingerprints, and a few visits with our social worker). In December of 2011 we sent our dossier to China, which meant we could be matched with a child from the Special Needs List at any time. Those lists come out about once a month, and it took until April for our social worker to find a suitable match for us--previous lists having been fairly small due to Chinese holidays, I think.

2012
Several months pass with no word until April's list came out. Our social worker put a child's file on hold for us, and we accepted it three days later (we only had three days to get the file to our doctor and get his opinion). I thought we were done with forms, but I was so wrong. We had several stages of forms that at times overwhelmed me. I sent paperwork to the American Visa Center, to the Chinese consulate in NYC, and to our agency to be forwarded to China. We made it through, and now, in July, we're just waiting for our paperwork to shuttle between offices in China. Maybe no more paperwork now!(?) We hope to leave in mid-August.

Pearl made this fridge art for us a few weeks ago. This is the kind of paperwork I can manage!

The Big Question

In the car yesterday, Pearl asked me "Why are we getting Ruby?"  Pearl's been part of the discussion all along; we talked to her about getting a baby, she's been turning our sofa into an airplane and play-acting arriving in China and adopting a baby, and we had her ok the referral before we called the social worker back in April.  Adoption is going to be a part of Pearl's life from now on, so I really wanted to get this question right.

Many people have asked me this, but I think I was most pleased with my answer to Pearl. I explained that there were a lot of reasons that we were adopting, that on certain days, certain reasons seemed most important, but that it shifted around a lot. She listened as I went over how we have so much--a big house with room to spare, a yard, good doctors, more love to share--and that we wanted to share it with someone who didn't have anything. I told her that Ruby has people to care for her now, but that she didn't have any money or parents, and that if she aged out of the Chinese orphanage system at age 14, she'd be in a horrible situation. That's one of the main reasons.

She seemed ok with that, and with another reason: we have enjoyed our two little girls so much, we want to see what a third one is like.  Jasper would use that logic to fill the house with about five more kids if he could, but I'm taking it one at a time.  Finally, and on some days most importantly, we want to nurture Ruby's spirit and faith--something that almost certainly would not happen where she is now--to learn from her and to grow with her.

There are other reasons too, ones I'll explain to the girls when they are older. I think I may have started mulling over the idea of adoption from China, or maybe just adoption, after hearing this heart wrenching NPR story, but that was years before we began serious research. 

On another note, the girls love their blog names so much, they've taken to calling each other by them, though they don't seem able to keep them straight.

Since Sapphire wants a mention too, I'll just note here that today she said she wants to be a mermaid when she grows up, one with a tail, so that she doesn't need a grown up with her in the pool.  !

Care Package

According to Fed Ex's tracking info, our care package for Ruby arrived in China last Friday. I only mailed it Monday! The agency's employee there will forward it on to Ruby. The reading I've done about adoption bemoans the quick transition international adoptees have to make from one set of surroundings and caretakers to another. In domestic adoptions of toddlers, usually it starts with visits, then sleepovers, and a smoother transition.  We're hoping that seeing our photos in the album we sent, and having her nannies cheerfully explain the transition, will help her to see that they approve and decrease her stress over it.

When I first went to the shipping shop, it was going to be $130 to send the package to China! I had expected it to be $40 or so. In the end, the store owner found another package system to use, and it was only $95.

Sapphire and Pearl are holding the contents of our much-traveled package. We sent the tiny album, some gummy worms (I recall those were a hit with Sapphire at that age), a frog, a disposable camera, and an outfit that is probably too big, but she looked so chubby in the last photos!  We're hoping that the camera comes with her when we meet, and that it will record the surroundings she's known since infancy.  I taped her name in Chinese to everything, hoping that would help the busy nannies.

Unexpected Update

Last week we got an unexpected update on Ruby (her blog name, not her real name). The social worker had asked for one as soon as we froze her file in April, but I didn't think much about it. The update had some really recent photos (June 2012!), plus kind, loving descriptions of Ruby's personality from her nannies:

"Her general health condition is good. Her body coordinated well. She is a active, clever and lovely girl."

We also got new photos, including:

:

 These are great, because they show her outside and experiencing real life, not just orphanage rooms. Some children never go outside, and that first day with their parents is so scary for them. It depends on the orphanage. We think she's in a pretty good place. One of the other blogs I've read shows photos of the interior of the orphanage (we haven't received any of those ourselves). It has many colorful toys.

The update makes all this process so much more real. After a trudge through the paperwork, the real child behind it gets a little two-dimensional. But here she is in all her one-and-a-half-year-old chubbiness.  She's 24 pounds, and her BMI is 24.1, which sounds great!

**Update: we learned some months later that Ruby was being raised in Beijing in a foster home, not in the orphanage that was in charge of her. So these are photos of Beijing's environs, not Inner Mongolia.

Preparations

It seems that parents blog about their adoption journeys when they are able, and I've got a lot of catching up to do. We began the process with prayer and research in August of 2010, and we applied to our agency in February of 2011.  Now, nearly 17 months later, we are preparing to journey to Inner Mongolia to meet our new daughter. She has a minor special need which may require surgery when we get home. Our other daughters are eager to meet her (or as eager as they can be at 2 and 6), and our church is ready to welcome her home too.

Last year was a lot of paperwork. This year has been a lot of waiting. We were able to be matched with a child in December of 2011, but the match didn't happen until April of 2012. I knew that the shared list had come out the night before, but in the rush to get to co-op I forgot to check my email. The email with her first pictures sat unopened until our social worker called Jasper around noon to see if he'd gotten it. I came home from co-op with the girls to find a fairly rattled Jasper. He'd been surprised. I skimmed over her information and photos while our daughters fought in the background. It wasn't the normal silent, tear-filled exuberance I see in other families' referral moments! But it was the next step in a journey.

Now I'm gathering supplies for the trip, reading adoption books with the girls, and trying to be ok with the fact that I will almost certainly miss the first week of class at my university.  We'll get the date for travel in about a month. We'll be more than ready for it then!!

This is how we met Ju Er: